Remembering

It's amazing how time passes and we forget. Well.....for me, I was just happy that I was able to carry and deliver a healthy baby girl. I had put everything else behind me. I wasn't sad. I was thankful.

It's her birthday month and I couldn't help but look back at a blog that I created for my daughter when I was pregnant. The memories flooded me.

As I scrolled through the pages, the ultrasound popped up. Starring at the ultrasound photo and reading about the day we found out, hit my heart so hard.

She was originally a TWIN. It's crazy to think about it now. Now, that she is older and many of her friends are twins. What would that be like?

I lost the baby early. Around 9 weeks. I knew from the very beginning that chances were low that the baby would survive. My husband was so hopeful. He was so positive. When we found out there was no heartbeat. He cried and said to me, " Do you think the baby will go to heaven?"

I don't know why, but for some reason, I have always had this intuition that her twin was a boy. I always wanted to have a little boy since feeling that way. When we got pregnant with our son, he came early. When he was in the NICU, I had a dream about my grandfather who had passed away the same year I got pregnant with my son.

In the dream, he was sitting in a chair, holding a dark- haired baby, that resembled my son. When I woke up from this dream, I freaked out. I freaked out because I immediately thought of my son who was currently in the NICU. How could my deceased grandfather be holding my son? Is my baby boy going to be okay?

I took a breath and when I retold the dream to my mother. It all made sense to me. My grandfather was indeed holding my baby. It wasn't my son that was in the NICU. It was Julia's twin. I felt completely calm. I cried. I wasn't worried anymore.

My Papaw and I had a very special bond growing up. As I was cleaning last week, out of nowhere, this picture popped up in my storage closet. It's a beautiful memory of him. He was so happy, proud, vibrant and doing something he loved in this photo. It's perfect and it made my heart smile, just how I will always remember him.